Time Precious Time

Cancer changes a person. When I read the report and saw the word malignant it completely disrupted me. It was devastating. I was an emotional mess. My whole perception changed. I found this quote and it rings true to me now.

“During chemo, you're more tired than you've ever been. It's like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you're out. You don't know how you'll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it's instantaneous.” ~Melissa Bank

I began regretting any time I had spent away from Darby and the kids including business travel, hiking and backpacking. Darby was gracious and was glad I had the opportunity to do the backpacking and hiking. Time has become a much more precious commodity. While I used to like things now I really just want shared experiences with the ones that I love including of course Darby, Kara, Kaitlin and Jerry, my parents, my sisters etc. also my church family I really wish I could be a more effectual Sheppard. When I was first diagnosed with this disease I was of course devastated and angry and somewhat frightened based upon the statistics, but God is not subject to statistics.

“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell”. ~Lance Armstrong

I confess that knowing some couples that are have marital issues I began thinking about how they , none of us should waste time on squabbling because we don’t know how much time we have we should honor our commitments and vows and cherish that we have someone who loves us and someone we can love. Remembering always that God loves us even when we are unlovable.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us.


Now for some news this past week I had another avastin treatment which went fine the doctors office was running behind so we didn’t get out until 5:00pm (we believe he was catching from being gone for 2.5 weeks) The Doctor was relatively pleased with the MRI results and wants to step me down on the steroid again to 1 mg in the morning and one in the evening so be praying that that goes well (I started this on Friday). I asked him about a swine flu vaccine and he said if I can’t get one at work they will give me the vaccine at their office. He also seemed pleased with my gym workout and said that would make me feel better.


On the home front our broken desktop computer decided to start working again(we will see how long that lasts) we are happy about this and I set up file sharing and network printer sharing therefore we can print wirelessly from the laptop upstairs very cool.